Tag Archives: singleness

Last Valentine’s Day I Watched Kill Bill & Broke Dishes.

Today I am published on The Good Women Project and so excited about it! This is a little excerpt:

Last year, to celebrate Valentine’s Day, my friends and I watched Kill Bill and broke dishes.

I’m pretty sure that it’s not quite what Hallmark had in mind.

It’s not that I’m against love, but watching gory revengeful movies and getting out all your feelings on one of the dumbest holidays ever is healthy. Because, you know, I’m an expert who needs no entanglements or silly boyfriends or head-over-heels-crushes to stay happy. Or you know, I might just be a cynic of love who is scared to admit that she still is a hopeless romantic who loves musicals under that tough skin and making-fun-of-relationships-facade.

TMI?

Being single on Valentine’s Day is dramatic even if you don’t acknowledge it. Every commercial on television is for chocolate and perfume and K-Y warming liquid. Every store display is disgustingly overdone with teddy bears and roses. But it isn’t the cheap gifts or obnoxious displays that get me – when you’re single on Valentine’s Day you entertain the thought that there may be something wrong with you, because it seems like the rest of the world is coupled up. You hang on to the reason you’ve failed in relationships in the past, unable to let go. And then, at least in my own heart, I pile on guilt from other mistakes I’ve made and suddenly one tiny little holiday makes me feel worthless.

Last year, all these feelings had hit me at once, along with my group of friends – all fantastic people yet all feeling guilty and left out by being single – and I decided we should take action against these feelings. And when I take action, most often, I do so with a vision.

You see, I’m a visual learner. As much as words can comfort me and I can bask in them, roll them around on my tongue and rewind television shows just to hear the rhythm in the way certain sentences sound, if I really want to drive a point home, I have to see it with my baby blues. I want to open my eyes wide and get to know the colors and shapes and textures and how the light hits something just so.

Luckily, I got to learn this particular way last February 14th, when my friends and I had ourselves a little “Break” party.

What does this entail?

It’s simple, really. We drove to Goodwill and collected a handful of cheap plates, all of different colors but all those that looked extra fragile. We then brought the plates back and attacked them with Sharpies, writing out everything that we wanted to see break into a million little pieces. Fears, shame, bad dreams, regrets, doubts, guilt, experiences that hurt, and, since it was Valentine’s Day, most our plates had failed relationships, lost loves and the names of soul-crushing boys and heart-stealing girls that we wish we’d never run into in the first place written all over them. We kept our plates to ourselves, mulling over them until we were all ready, then trekked out to the railroad tracks behind my apartment, and huddled together, we said goodbye to our precious regret-stained dishes. One by one, we said goodbye to pain and failures and secrets and feelings that left us worse off. Standing across from each other, we addressed our plates individually, addressing them like they were our own hearts, and, as if in slow motion from our very own Tarantino movie scene, then smashed them down into the tracks, watching them all break away and cheering with each broken dish at the realization that, surely, it was all just words on a plate anyway.

WANNA READ THE REST? Click here!

I Will Unfollow Your Wedding Board On Pinterest

I went to a wedding for one of my friends this weekend and looked all snazzy with these beautiful people:

(give all of us modeling contracts, plz)

Now, I know that as a single girl, weddings are supposed to make me bitter and hyper-aware of my aloneness, but I’ll be darned if I wasn’t sitting there the whole time with a big grin on my face and possibly tearing up during the vows. Is this progress? A little.

You see, I have a love-hate relationship with weddings. I think they are wonderful and a beautiful picture and celebration of Christ’s love and two people committing themselves to each other, and I also adore a good dance floor, but I try and steer clear of planning my own. I will unfollow your “Wedding <3 <3” board on Pinterest faster than you can say “I do” because I’m afraid of my wild imagination getting ahead of me and looking at perfect wedding ceremony and reception pictures all day then becoming a girl who places so much worth on getting married. It’s not that I don’t want to or that I don’t believe in it, quite the opposite, it’s just that I know it’s so easy for those idealistic dreams to cripple you. I know so many lovely and wonderful single girls who envision their ceremonies for hours and this becomes what they strive after, not their life as an unattached female! They pursue plans that aren’t even in the works yet and then come to the conclusion that getting married will solve every single problem. I mean, I laugh at things like this because they’re true:

But seriously, it’s okay to want to be married. It’s okay to like a certain color scheme or a sweetheart neckline or to occasionally tune into Say Yes To The Dress and chastise the girl for bringing too many bridesmaids with her to the salon (I mean, come on, everyone knows that’s a rookie mistake) but if you’re not engaged yet, don’t get so bogged down in the wedding fever that you can’t see anything else. There is life in being unattached, there is more to plan than what your invitations will look like! It’s so dangerous to place your heart in a situation that it’s not prepared for yet. Pursue the things that matter to you now.

In one of my favorite posts on The Good Women Project, Laura Hill talks about finding purpose in singleness and it shakes me up in the best way. It’s such a challenge to be a little ray of sunshine when people keep asking you about being in a relationship or telling you that your time is ticking before you need to get married (I mean, seriously? Is me not getting married like a bomb going off?) but it’s a challenge that you should accept wholeheartedly. Plus, after a while, pining for a perfect wedding or a picturesque romantic-comedy marriage is just going to leave you feeling empty anyway, and unless Ryan Gosling or George Clooney all of the sudden come to their senses and show up on your doorstep holding a welsh corgi and a bouquet of orchids, it’s pointless anyway. Work on improving your own life, not your future husband’s. Be you, be content, be happy. Don’t be spending hours creating the life you don’t have yet and may never have; love the one you’ve got.

And as for the wedding I went to? Perfectly executed. I mean, if you’re gonna serve breakfast food, I’m going to cheer. If you’re going to give me an excuse to wear 4-inch leopard print platforms, I’m going to celebrate. If you’re going to serve as a great example of a loving Jesus-centered relationship and when you smile at each other the whole crowd melts, I’m going to get excited.

And if by some miracle, you’re going to play Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Dancing In The Dark’ as your last song, you better believe I’m going to start screaming and make everyone else do the Boss-snapping, Clarence clapping, saxophone solo and Courtney Cox arm movements with me like a fool on the dance floor.

I mean, come ON, how could I not?! It’s the little things.