Kickstarter Campaigns I Would (Actually) Support
I’ve been fed up with this blog for a while. White girl problem as it may be, hear me out. Or don’t. I mean, there’s plenty of internet to scour that is less lion-y than this little domain.
I’ve been tired of this blog being the same, feeling like I’m a never-ending ramble of the same topics. I get all sorts of blog-envy over other websites I gawk at daily–ones filled with pretty well-lit pictures and layouts, crafts and recipes, ‘outfit of the day’ posts and all those cute things that the blogging community tends to be drawn to. Meanwhile I’m over here slapping sarcasm around, making musical references, mentioning Ryan Gosling too much, and relying on inspiration that waxes and wanes based on my caffeine level for the day.
Will I ever be the next Martha Stewart mixed with Paula Deen mixed with Annie Lebowitz of the internet? Probably not, but that’s not to say that I don’t want to incorporate different things and styles and some sort of photography around these parts. And I hope you’ll be with me, internet, at least somewhat, as I try to document important things and continue to ramble like I’m known to do.
So, there’s that. Yes, I want to change things around my little website, but this thread of ‘new-ness’ goes a little deeper than that as well.
As much as I can be stubborn with change, I tend to welcome the kind I like. I am enchanted and constantly wanting new colors, new textures, new sounds and new faces in my life. Sure, I am comfortable with the things I love and cherish them dearly, but I have an itch to explore and to discover and to consume all sorts of brand new material.
I wasn’t always this way, though.
See this little girl?
Even though it takes a brave and confident individual to wear matching ruffled socks, she was actually a very scared kid and afraid of new things. She feared new school years, she feared things she didn’t know, and she even feared a lot of the rides at DisneyWorld. She was well-acquainted with crippling irrational feelings of being scared for no good reason. It took her a while to get adjusted to new things, but she found that if she could hold tightly onto the hand of Mom and Dad and Brother and Grandparents and various friends, it was not so bad. Tears were not uncommon, panic attacks and anxiety came in waves, but she was still surrounded by a group of people that wanted her to succeed and wanted her to find out all sorts of great things about this great earth, and so slowly embrace change, she did. And you see, once she did, each progressive time became easier.
That little girl was me (spoiler alert!).
Nowadays, the tenacity and cheerfulness and energy with which I tend to greet new days and new situations and new people has been well-earned and well-fought through years of anxiety for, and even though the uncertainty of change still creeps in from time to time, I’ve learned how to embrace it a lot easier.
And so, as my Mama puts it, the little girl she’d never thought would ever leave home now wants to pack it all up in a suitcase and go see the world.
So, in the season of embracing change I decided it was time to change to color of my hair…and my address.
I’m moving to Nashville.
Do I know what exactly I’m doing yet there? No. Do I know the city like the back of my hand? I’m getting there. Do I have a place to live? Surprisingly, yes! And it has indoor plumbing!
I love music, I love Nashville, and if there was ever a time to do something crazy like move to Music City and chase a crazy dream, now is that time. I’ve got little to no obligations, no pets, no husband and kids, nothing holding me here, and a family that’s been so encouraging about the whole thing. So much so, in fact, that my parents told me that if I don’t do it now, don’t take this chance while I’m young, I’ll always wonder, always regret it. I’m not saying my anxiety won’t come back like it tends to, but there’s excitement in this decision, too.
So here’s to change, here’s to wearing hair turbans, and trying not to feel dumb taking self portraits for your blog in your backyard. Here’s to trying to cram 8 pairs of boots into one suitcase and realizing you have a problem. Here’s to long highways, supportive parents, reuniting with old friends, lots of live music, being young, and making new progress and new mistakes in a new zipcode.
And if you ever find yourself in Nashville, internet, I’ll buy you some iced coffee and vinyl and we can try to figure out a life plan together. Lion’s honor.
I went to a wedding for one of my friends this weekend and looked all snazzy with these beautiful people:
Now, I know that as a single girl, weddings are supposed to make me bitter and hyper-aware of my aloneness, but I’ll be darned if I wasn’t sitting there the whole time with a big grin on my face and possibly tearing up during the vows. Is this progress? A little.
You see, I have a love-hate relationship with weddings. I think they are wonderful and a beautiful picture and celebration of Christ’s love and two people committing themselves to each other, and I also adore a good dance floor, but I try and steer clear of planning my own. I will unfollow your “Wedding <3 <3” board on Pinterest faster than you can say “I do” because I’m afraid of my wild imagination getting ahead of me and looking at perfect wedding ceremony and reception pictures all day then becoming a girl who places so much worth on getting married. It’s not that I don’t want to or that I don’t believe in it, quite the opposite, it’s just that I know it’s so easy for those idealistic dreams to cripple you. I know so many lovely and wonderful single girls who envision their ceremonies for hours and this becomes what they strive after, not their life as an unattached female! They pursue plans that aren’t even in the works yet and then come to the conclusion that getting married will solve every single problem. I mean, I laugh at things like this because they’re true:
But seriously, it’s okay to want to be married. It’s okay to like a certain color scheme or a sweetheart neckline or to occasionally tune into Say Yes To The Dress and chastise the girl for bringing too many bridesmaids with her to the salon (I mean, come on, everyone knows that’s a rookie mistake) but if you’re not engaged yet, don’t get so bogged down in the wedding fever that you can’t see anything else. There is life in being unattached, there is more to plan than what your invitations will look like! It’s so dangerous to place your heart in a situation that it’s not prepared for yet. Pursue the things that matter to you now.
In one of my favorite posts on The Good Women Project, Laura Hill talks about finding purpose in singleness and it shakes me up in the best way. It’s such a challenge to be a little ray of sunshine when people keep asking you about being in a relationship or telling you that your time is ticking before you need to get married (I mean, seriously? Is me not getting married like a bomb going off?) but it’s a challenge that you should accept wholeheartedly. Plus, after a while, pining for a perfect wedding or a picturesque romantic-comedy marriage is just going to leave you feeling empty anyway, and unless Ryan Gosling or George Clooney all of the sudden come to their senses and show up on your doorstep holding a welsh corgi and a bouquet of orchids, it’s pointless anyway. Work on improving your own life, not your future husband’s. Be you, be content, be happy. Don’t be spending hours creating the life you don’t have yet and may never have; love the one you’ve got.
And as for the wedding I went to? Perfectly executed. I mean, if you’re gonna serve breakfast food, I’m going to cheer. If you’re going to give me an excuse to wear 4-inch leopard print platforms, I’m going to celebrate. If you’re going to serve as a great example of a loving Jesus-centered relationship and when you smile at each other the whole crowd melts, I’m going to get excited.
And if by some miracle, you’re going to play Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Dancing In The Dark’ as your last song, you better believe I’m going to start screaming and make everyone else do the Boss-snapping, Clarence clapping, saxophone solo and Courtney Cox arm movements with me like a fool on the dance floor.
I mean, come ON, how could I not?! It’s the little things.
In such a celebrity culture, I think my generation for the most part feels so much pressure to make every single minute of our lives EPIC. We want to upload fabulous instagrams to twitter and write captivating instantly-liked status updates and make everyone want in our crazy shiny well-lit photographed lives!
But sometimes that’s just not reality.
I’ve admitted to struggling with feeling like I’m not having enough fun or living my life as crazily as I should be and I know that this is the ultimate white girl problem in the history of the world, but if I’m being honest, it’s not easy to get rid of! I love the life I lead, but sometimes my little heart has moments of jealousy. Mindy Kaling’s new book is entitled “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)” and I cannot tell you how much I identified with the title alone. (Also, the book is amazing and I cannot recommend it enough and I identify so much with it and it makes me laugh out loud literally. Buy It!)
Is it sad to live in fear that my life is not as ‘insaaaaane’ as everyone else’s on my Facebook newsfeed?!
The biggest exciting point in my life today was getting a mustard-yellow scarf that was originally $25 on sale for $9. And it is a huge scarf! A big huge mustard-yellow fashion-forward scarf! AND I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE EXCITED ABOUT THIS SCARF!
This scarf represents so much more than a article of clothing scored for little cash. This scarf really did make my day wonderful. Seeing it on the rack, I pictured it making all my outfits full of sunshine. I got to throw it across my shoulders dramatically like an old movie star when trying it on. My roommate bought a matching one in red so that we look like mustard & ketchup! And you know what? I will proudly wear this scarf and document its existence and not feel bad about the fact that it dominated my afternoon.
I’m all about celebrating the simple things. If my life isn’t always one big outlandish party, that’s alright! Some days may seem more exciting than others, but today, let it be known that mustard yellow trumps everything else.
P.S. Guys, Ryan Gosling was in Austin, Texas this weekend. I live near Austin. I work in Austin. Obsessing over a celebrity is juvenile and spilling details over the internet is tacky, though, so in order to paint myself in the best light, all I will say is: he is beautiful (really).
P.P.S. Also, in 10 years when Terrance Malick finally releases the “upcoming project” that RGos was filming, I will be looking for my name in the credits…even if my credit is “Girl staring at RGos“.