Tag Archives: relationship

You’re Gonna Hear Me Roar (Eventually)

We’re gonna get real.

We’re gonna talk about Katy Perry, being sicker than you’ve ever been, long-distance relationships, hospitals, loneliness, and pumpkin s’more donut muffins.

And if that sounds difficult to follow, you may need to get off the ride now.

But if you’re up for it, before you read below, please press “play”-

I knew I was going to love the Katy Perry song, “Roar” before I even heard it. The title was too telling of the content- which I knew would involve some sort of lion or big-cat imagery, which clearly, having donned myself “The Lion-Haired Girl”, I was going to adore- and I wasn’t wrong. From the first notes, I knew I was going to get wrapped up in the overly-produced pop sound and the sweetness and simplicity of the lyrics. I was even more onboard when I realized that she had taken the word “roar” and turned it into “ro-o-o-o-OH-OH-OH-O-ar” during the chorus, which I could easily sing along to at any and all times.

The song came out August 10th, which shouldn’t be overly special to note, but it was.

5 days later, August 15th, my longtime boyfriend moved allllll the way across the United States, (literally, hi Seattle) to live his dream. To “roar” in another state, if you will. (And yes, he will hate this analogy so much because it’s Katy Perry instead of The National, but still). He rode away into the sunset and I remained just about as calm toward the situtation as any early-twenties-millenial-with-too-many-feelings can, which is to say that I ate a lot of deep fried things covered in cheese, made 18 playlists of coping music, texted him nonstop for hours about pointless things, and made impulse purchases of studded leather vests and combat boots because I assumed they would heal my heart (which, let’s be real, they definitely helped).

So, flashforward with me. I’m almost to the end of August and I still can’t get this song out of my head. I’m attempting not to dwell on every question of, “How are you going to make long distance work?” and I’m really doing a good job at taking care of myself. At some point in every day, I still find myself singing or humming the melody and succumbing to the pop masterpiece of “Roar”. I’m wishing I had boxing gloves like Katy had during her VMA performance and by now I’ve learned all the words and harmonies and have even started checking eBay for a knockoff of KP’s tiger satin jacket.

Image

(try not to be impressed by my photoshop skills)

If I was more of a believer in Long Island Medium or the ‘great timing of the universe’, I’d say listening to “Roar” on repeat was supposed to prepare me for September, but it didn’t. In between counting down the days til Katy’s album release in October and working a job with ridiculous hours of 4AM to noon (I know it sounds like I’m complaining, but, stay with me) I got mono.

Yep, that’s right – I get “the kissing disease” after my longtime boyfriend moves away. The jokes just write themselves!

But I don’t just get regular mono. I get mono coupled with a nasty Upper Respiratory Infection and complete with a super fun trip to the ER, which as it turns out, was the first time I had ever been in a hospital for myself and not just to bring flowers to a family member, and as it turns out, filled me with more anxiety than most anything I have encountered on the earth thus far.

(i added some doodles to make this photo of my hospital bracelet less depressing. hooray!)

(i added some doodles to make this photo of my hospital bracelet less depressing. hooray!)

The ER results in everything being okay, just a little scary (thanks a lot, liver levels!). So I take off work for a few days. My sweet roommate and friends rally around me and even my rockstar Mama flies in from Texas to make me soup and take care of me. I go back to work with the instruction that there is no “cure” for mono- I am just supposed to rest and drink fluids for about month and eventually it will go away…and then the defeat sets in. With my job hours already, I go to sleep at 7:30 PM most nights, and so add on being exhausted all the time from mono and I shrink into a cocoon. Not wanting to get anyone contagious, much less have to explain, “Hey, ask me about my mono!” to people, (which, by the way, no one will not freak out after hearing) I don’t see pretty much anyone during the entire month of September, and I certainly don’t listen to “Roar”. I hardly even talk to my roommates. Any calls I make to Seattle to be a supportive girlfriend just end in me whining. Mostly I just fall half asleep and lay in bed and feel sorry for myself. I pout and complain and everything I do becomes an event of “yay me!” or “I’m the worst”. Basically, I’m unbearable.

Now, I don’t say all of this to try and generate a feeling of sorry. People get sick all the time, but September unpolitely reminded me I just clearly am not as strong or independent as I thought I was. I try to talk this big game of being a girl who moved away from all she knew to chase her dreams in Nashville, even if they broke her heart, but all it takes is alone time to feel like I have no clue what I’m doing and to see just how needy I am. The social butterfly inside of me crumbled hard and I began to question what I was even doing anymore.

“But I listen to ‘Roar’ all the time, and every day I wear a lot cat-eye winged eyeliner because I am confident, and I make loud jokes and smile at strangers,” I kept thinking. ” I should be able to handle this! I’m an extrovert and I can tackle anything!” was an attitude I’d adopted forever, but now I was just looking forward to crawling in bed, doctor’s orders or not.

I gave up, in a way. I just kinda was a miserable person to be around and threw one hell of a pity party.

But eventually, about the second week in October, I started to feel better and began to feel like I could stay awake without it feeling like a challenge. I could be around people again and began to actually try and participate in activities that weren’t solely watching bad reality tv and moping. I could spend time with healthy human beings without bringing up how sad I had been and I could make some killer pumpkin s’more doughnut muffins with friends.

However, surprisingly, I didn’t have the immediate “lesson-learned’ feeling afterwards.

As a writer, I want to glamorize things. I want to tell sweeping stories of how life has changed me. I want to hear about your experiences and put them into words that jump off the page or screen and capture the heart.

But I haven’t had that moment. I know September was a lame month, but I didn’t get a big story resolution out of it. It taught me just how weak and spoiled I am, and not having anyone to talk to makes me cranky, but it didn’t give me this deep knowledge about solitude that I felt I could share, so I avoided writing it down. I avoided telling people or I just joked about it (“Remember when I had mono?”) but I still couldn’t shake it, so here I am.

I want you to know, whoever you are reading this, that I’m listening to “Roar” a lot again. I’m probably missing out on “better” and more scholarly music, but I can’t get rid of it, because in some small way, it helps.

Why do we put so much faith in the little things? Because it’s easy, I think. I rely on medicine I purchased at the store with a coupon to heal me, so why can’t a 99-cent single on iTunes do the same?

I’m not 100%. I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% satisfied with everything, but I know that I can listen to “Roar” now and not feel like I’m the worst. I can hear it as a fun pop song and get a little bit of empowerment about it, even if I feel like it’s not the dramatic show-stopping song that usually accompanies a huge moment in my life. I can promise myself that just because my life isn’t a movie and that I don’t get to have a “getting better montage,” I am still getting better. I can still bounce back. I can still, well, roar.

So I dedicate “Roar” to mono. I dedicate it to bad days. I dedicate it to thinking you’re depressed when really you’re just young and stupid and have cold feet. I dedicate it to timezones that keep me away from the person who has challenged me for the better and loved me stupidly well the past year. I dedicate it to insecurity. I dedicate it to not learning the lesson immediately, because sometimes it’s okay to say that you’re only 23 and you don’t have it figured out yet and that just because you have a blog does not mean you have to act like you have all the answers.

Regardless of confidence levels, you’re gonna hear me roar. In sickness and in health, you’re gonna hear me roar. Even if it means I have to accept some things as not finished yet, you’re gonna hear me roar. From Seattle to Nashville to New York, you’re gonna hear me ro-o-o-o-OH-OH-OH-ar.

And frankly, if you’re not okay with me roaring, I kinda hope that you get mono.

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More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses, Part 2

Okay, Internet, apparently we’re all just a little messed up in the relationship department, because I can’t even tell you how many comments and emails I got about this post! So I figured I should include a few more, since I didn’t get all of you in the first round. Feel free to comment with your own, because I’d hate for your demographic to be left out. So, without further ado, I present-

More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses, Part 2

(And once more, you’re welcome for this great idea, Zuckerberg.)

 

BRB, Going To Unfairly Compare You To All My Past Relationships And You Will Fall Short

Mom And Dad, Please Stop Worrying About Me Having Grandchildren

Looking For The Kate Middleton To My Prince William

Looking For The Jay-Z To My Beyonce

Looking For The Precious To My Gollum

Ready, Set, TRY AND CATCH ME!

Maybe We Could Just Split Gas And Entrees Occasionally, Because This Economy Is Killing Me

I’ve Never Met The Person I’m In Currently In Love With, But Based On Facebook Stalking, I Just Know We Would Be Perfect Together

I Only Date Musicians

I Tried Only Dating Musicians, But Turns Out They Are Really Needy

I AM NEEDY

I Liked That Guy/Girl But Then You Kept Pressuring Me To Tell Them And Move At A Faster Pace And I Did, And Now It’s Awkward

“I’m Just Really Focused On My Career Right Now”

Everybody Wants Me! (Get In Line)

Everybody Wants Me! (Nobody Wants Me)

Still Hung Up On The Last One, Sorry, Try Again In A Month

Someone Attractive Recently Sent Me A “;)” Winky Face In A Text And I Don’t Know What To Do

I Never Learned How To Politely Tell People That Are Interested In Me “No” So Now I Just Have A Few Stragglers Still Hanging On

I Am One Of Those Stragglers Holding On To A CouldaBeenNotReallySure Relationship

My Friends Say I Am A Catch, But Where Is My Catcher

Pics Or It Didn’t Happen

Wait, You Mean Tim Riggins Is A Fictional Character?

I Only Want A Boyfriend If He Dresses Well

I Only Want A Girlfriend If She Cares About Sports

I’ve Been Told That I Send Mixed Signals But That’s Not True, Want To Take Me To Dinner? I’ll Ignore You And Be On My Phone The Whole Time And Then Call You Tomorrow…Crying

This Guy, Like, Called Me Instead Of Texting. Who Does That?

You Mean There Are Still Nice Girls Out There?

You Asked Me Out But I Was Already On My Couch Watching A Seinfeld Marathon, Sorry

I Have Way Too Many Quirks For You

I’m A Professional “Plus One”

I Wanna Dance With Somebody, I Wanna Feel The Heat With Somebody, Oh, I Wanna Dance With Somebody: With Somebody Who Loves Me

Movies And TV Made Me Think That Problems In Relationships Were Epic And Fun When In Actuality Conflict Is Not Fun And Hurts, HELP

I Just Want You To Buy Me Presents

I Just Want You To Sing Me To Sleep

I Just Want You To Stop Blogging About Our Relationship

More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses

I know we’re all used to putting “Single” or “In A Relationship” or “Married” (or maybe you’re that one person who puts “It’s Complicated” non-ironically) as a declaration and status symbol on Facebook for the whole internet to see, but life would be a whole lot easier and a lot more honest if we had a few more options on our ever-changing Relationship Statuses (stati?). So, naturally, I’ve compiled just the tip of the iceberg of a comprehensive list that I think would help clear things up.

(As always, you’re welcome for this great idea, Zuckerberg.)

More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses

Single And Ready To Mingle (But Not Really Sure What The Word Mingle Means)

Just Got Out Of A Relationship (And Am Currently Unable To Function Or Do Anything But Sniffle And Watch Lifetime Movies And Eat Cookies)

Just Got Out Of A Relationship (And Am Actually Doing Better Today, Thank You For Asking, In Fact, I Left The House Today And Saw The Sun For The First Time In A Week!)

Love Songs Messed Up My Idea Of Love

Reality TV Messed Up My Idea Of Love

Movies and Hollywood Romance Messed Up My Idea Of Love

What Is Love? (Baby, Don’t Hurt Me)

All I Ever Talk About Is My Ex And Yes, I Will Find A Way To Bring Them Up, Even In This Completely-Unrelated Conversation We Are Having

Perfectly Fine Being Single Until The Holidays Come Around Or I Have To Go To A Wedding

“Talking” To A Bunch Of Potential Girls/Boys

He or She Would Have To Be Really Amazing For Me To Get Out Of These Sweatpants And Go On A Real Date

Not Sure What A Real Date Is

In A Relationship But Still In High School, So 99% Of The Time This Relationship Will Not Count Or Matter in 4 Years/A Week

In A Committed Partnership With Netflix

In A Committed Partnership With Spotify

In A Committed Partnership With Pinterest

In A Committed Partnership With Cupcakes

In A Relationship, So I Always Give Dating Advice To My Friends

In A Relationship, So I Always Get Asked For Dating Advice From My Friends And The Truth Is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO TELL YOU, THIS ONE JUST WORKS FOR US OKAY

Pretending My Life Is Sex & The City

Admittedly Desperate (No, Really)

In The Friend Zone

Not Aware That I’m In The Friend Zone

Single Until Ryan Gosling Comes To His Senses

In A Relationship That I Probably Should End, But I’m Lazy And Comfortable And Maybe I Just Don’t Want To, Okay, It’s Not Like I Need An Intervention Or Anything

I Want A Boyfriend/Girlfriend Who Will Fix All My Flaws

I’m Crazy! (In A Kooky/Fun/Zany Way! Yay!)

I’m Crazy! (No, Literally. Run Away!)

I’m A Nice Guy And That Frustrates Me Cause I Always Feel Like I Come In Last

Single But I Won’t Say That I’m Single Because Then You Will Set Me Up With All Your Weird Friends

In A Relationship With Someone and It Is Actually Great, No Really, So Please Stop Asking Me To Find Problems And Just Let Me Enjoy This!

SOMEBODY LOVE ME, PLEASE, EVEN IF YOU’RE KINDA AWKWARD, IT’S OKAY

Single And I Really Want To Be With Someone But I Have “Pride” And Will Lie and Pretend I’m Tough And Fine But Really I Am Sensitive, So So Sensitive

Not Really Looking For A Relationship (Just Someone To Share A Dog With)

Not Really Looking For A Relationship (But If You Want To Take Me To Brunch, I Will Always Say Yes)

I Care More About Celebrity Romances Than My Own

MY ONLY RELATIONSHIP IS WITH ~GiRrLZ NiGHT!!!!~

Only If The Guy Has A Beard

Only If The Girl is Zooey Deschanel

Becoming A Nun Or Priest (For Real)

Becoming A Nun Or Priest (As An Ironic Joking Statement Because I’m Not Dating, LOL)

Everything Goes Out The Window After A Few Drinks

The Ted Mosby Of My Friends

The Liz Lemon Of My Friends

The Alexander Supertramp Of My Friends

The Penny Hartz Of My Friends

Why Is Everyone Getting Engaged Except Me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!

Does Occasional Texting Count As A Relationship?

I WILL OVERANALYZE EVERY WORD OF EVERY TEXT MESSAGE YOU SEND ME, BEWARE

Currently In A Long Distance Relationship, Please Be Gentle With Me

Engaged And No Wedding Date In Sight (Stop Pressuring Me!!!!)

Engaged And Counting Down The Days

Engaged And Considering Vegas

Beer, Babes, and Bros! Beer, Babes, and Bros! (What’s The Real World Like?)

Don’t Judge Me By My Facebook, I Am Much More Interesting In Person

Don’t Judge Me By My Facebook, I Am Much Less Interesting In Person

The Girl Who Retweets Every Bit Of Relationship Advice She Finds

The Guy Who Parents Love But Girls Just Seem To Care Less About

I’m Single And I Still Don’t Have Any Of This Relationship Stuff Figured Out

I’m In A Wonderful Relationship And I Still Don’t Have Any Of This Relationship Stuff Figured Out

I’m Married and I Have Like One Thing In The World Of Relationships Figured Out

Cats. Just Cats.