Tag Archives: list

You And I And Our Lists

I worry that we are all just little collections of likes and dislikes, with detailed lists of each. We carry around these lists of our favorite and least-favorite things close to our chests, waiting to run into someone new and to share them to see if we have any in common. We quote movies and post song lyrics and claim ownership of hometowns– tightening our first around the things that we like, the things that we consume, the things that seemed to build us. It’s all just silly words and melodies and names and images, but it’s everything to us in a way. What we like is what we’re told to talk about, to pursue, and to share.

But it’s so small. Knowing a top 5 list is so miniscule.

Top 5 favorite movies. Top 5 favorite tv shows. Top 5 favorite bands. Top 5 favorite sports teams. Top 5 favorite books. Top 5 favorite sandwiches. Top 5 favorite websites. Top 5 favorite vacation spots. Top 5 favorite top-5-list topics.

It’s perfect when someone else’s 5 is the same as yours– you get a moment of swelling joy in thinking, “Yes! You get it! You understand me!” but that’s so cheap. Liking and disliking, comparing and sharing, it’s all so exhausting and so structured.

Because you can know someone’s favorite tv shows for years but never get the inner workings of their soul.

And I know that sentence doesn’t sound profound at all, but in a society of meticulously-placed tweets and highly-edited information released exclusively, it’s so frustrating to feel real camaraderie anymore. Not just “we-commented-on-the-same-blog-post” friendships, but the kind that cuts deep and knows.

The kind that not only knows that you take two splendas in your coffee, but that you tear up when you see elderly couples holding hands because it makes you feel a longing for a romance that society has told you doesn’t exist anymore.

Or the kind that knows you can’t miss NBC’s Thursday Night comedy lineup, but also that the thought of your direction in life is terrifying.

After almost 22 years, I’m nearly an open book, and the ink is still very wet. I’m eager to share anything that’s not appropriate for “dinner table conversation”, even as we are seated at the dinner table. I want to talk about the hard things that aren’t comfortable yet. I want to tell jokes that would make our predecessors blush. I want to chat regarding the failed relationships we’re supposed to act like aren’t proper discussion topics but are all we are aching to speak up about. I want us to talk about hurts and confusion and pain. I want us to talk about awkward kisses and embarrassing stories we swore to never bring up again. I want us to talk about anxieties that cut us down and overwhelming pride that make us seem almost too confident. I want us to brag obnoxiously and I want us to mope listlessly. I want us to talk about faith and love, and where we’ve lost both. I want us to talk about childhood dreams that never came true, as well as the small victories we never saw coming.

I’m scared that it’s easier for me just to run down my list, day after day and year after year. I like jalapenos, I like The Beatles, I like long text message conversations, and I like turquoise jewelry. I don’t like waiting in lines, I don’t like silences, I don’t like Two & A Half Men, and I don’t like humidity. But where does this get us? Sure, we can sustain conversation and keep up appearances for a long time, but sooner or later there’s going to be that moment where I want to tell you all about near-mental breakdowns and we won’t have made it there yet.

So, yes, I will cling to my favorite things and I will tell you about them in full. I will gladly repeat banter we heard in a scene or learn chords in a song. I will quote and recommend and discuss your favorites and my favorites and resurrect a shrine of our top 5s, displayed as perfectly as possible. But, I hope that maybe together, when we’re ready, we can let go of our lists. We’ll slowly release our grip and smooth out all the wrinkles in the paper from where we’ve held on so tight and we’ll put them all somewhere safe. And then, with our hands free and our usual topics taken care of, we can really talk.

And if in that moment you can’t think of the words to say, don’t worry. I’ll go first.

More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses, Part 2

Okay, Internet, apparently we’re all just a little messed up in the relationship department, because I can’t even tell you how many comments and emails I got about this post! So I figured I should include a few more, since I didn’t get all of you in the first round. Feel free to comment with your own, because I’d hate for your demographic to be left out. So, without further ado, I present-

More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses, Part 2

(And once more, you’re welcome for this great idea, Zuckerberg.)

 

BRB, Going To Unfairly Compare You To All My Past Relationships And You Will Fall Short

Mom And Dad, Please Stop Worrying About Me Having Grandchildren

Looking For The Kate Middleton To My Prince William

Looking For The Jay-Z To My Beyonce

Looking For The Precious To My Gollum

Ready, Set, TRY AND CATCH ME!

Maybe We Could Just Split Gas And Entrees Occasionally, Because This Economy Is Killing Me

I’ve Never Met The Person I’m In Currently In Love With, But Based On Facebook Stalking, I Just Know We Would Be Perfect Together

I Only Date Musicians

I Tried Only Dating Musicians, But Turns Out They Are Really Needy

I AM NEEDY

I Liked That Guy/Girl But Then You Kept Pressuring Me To Tell Them And Move At A Faster Pace And I Did, And Now It’s Awkward

“I’m Just Really Focused On My Career Right Now”

Everybody Wants Me! (Get In Line)

Everybody Wants Me! (Nobody Wants Me)

Still Hung Up On The Last One, Sorry, Try Again In A Month

Someone Attractive Recently Sent Me A “;)” Winky Face In A Text And I Don’t Know What To Do

I Never Learned How To Politely Tell People That Are Interested In Me “No” So Now I Just Have A Few Stragglers Still Hanging On

I Am One Of Those Stragglers Holding On To A CouldaBeenNotReallySure Relationship

My Friends Say I Am A Catch, But Where Is My Catcher

Pics Or It Didn’t Happen

Wait, You Mean Tim Riggins Is A Fictional Character?

I Only Want A Boyfriend If He Dresses Well

I Only Want A Girlfriend If She Cares About Sports

I’ve Been Told That I Send Mixed Signals But That’s Not True, Want To Take Me To Dinner? I’ll Ignore You And Be On My Phone The Whole Time And Then Call You Tomorrow…Crying

This Guy, Like, Called Me Instead Of Texting. Who Does That?

You Mean There Are Still Nice Girls Out There?

You Asked Me Out But I Was Already On My Couch Watching A Seinfeld Marathon, Sorry

I Have Way Too Many Quirks For You

I’m A Professional “Plus One”

I Wanna Dance With Somebody, I Wanna Feel The Heat With Somebody, Oh, I Wanna Dance With Somebody: With Somebody Who Loves Me

Movies And TV Made Me Think That Problems In Relationships Were Epic And Fun When In Actuality Conflict Is Not Fun And Hurts, HELP

I Just Want You To Buy Me Presents

I Just Want You To Sing Me To Sleep

I Just Want You To Stop Blogging About Our Relationship

If I Were A Boy

I would wear nothing but denim and pull it off

I would work on cars all day

I assume that I would crave steak and potatoes (more than I already do)

I would be sad that the world stereotypes me and tells me that I can’t have emotions or reactions to anything that’s not just grunting

I would make more fart jokes, let’s be honest

I might watch more sports, or I might just turn on golf and take a nap, because that’s what televised golf was created for

I would order tough sounding drinks even when I wanted the fruity margarita

I would worry about my hairline too much

I would eventually find a good cologne that works for me and smell amazing and not realize how much girls are attracted to smell, like seriously, that is a huge factor

I would complain about shaving and say I wish I didn’t have to, even if I actually hate my beard because it comes in red and patchy

I wouldn’t know exactly what I wanted in a relationship either, but would probably hate the double standard that I’m supposed to have it all figured out and take charge and “Be A Man” in the dating world

Maybe I would finally understand the appeal of Megan Fox?

I would try to be a Barney Stinson but would always end up being a Ted Mosby

I would feel overwhelming pressure to be the breadwinner in my family and that would frustrate me

I might, like a little bit, but for the most part, wouldn’t quite understand the complexity and anxiety that comes with picking the right hair salon, and maybe that’s okay

Even if I wasn’t a ‘fighter’ by nature, I would still defend my Mama’s good name and my favorite band, because some things are just sacred

I would listen to Beyonce’s “If I Were A Boy” and be like OH NVM, THIS ISN’T RELEVANT, BECAUSE I AM ONE

I would try to be a good son, a trustworthy father, a loving boyfriend and a man of honor

I would also try to have all the high scores in all of the video games

I probably wouldn’t use as many emoticons in my text messages, but hey, who knows

I would just be trying to get along in this world without being called a jerk, too masculine, too feminine, power-hungry, womanizing, overly-sensitive, a bad listener or simply “the wrong kind of guy” that I’m told about constantly from my peers, the media, and delusional women’s magazines

I would try to be James Brown, Han Solo, Mr. Rogers, Robert Plant, Frank Sinatra, Woody Allen, Ryan Gosling, Jim Henson, Indiana Jones, Lester Bangs, Jack White, James Dean, Albert Einstein, John Lennon, Stephen Colbert, J.D. Salinger, Bruce Springsteen, Marc Jacobs, The Old Spice Commercial Guy, Johnny Cash, Joss Whedon, Jimi Hendrix, Ron Swanson, Andy Warhol, Don Draper, Freddie Mercury, and Johnny Bravo all rolled into one.

And for better or worse, I’d probably still blog about all of it.

More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses

I know we’re all used to putting “Single” or “In A Relationship” or “Married” (or maybe you’re that one person who puts “It’s Complicated” non-ironically) as a declaration and status symbol on Facebook for the whole internet to see, but life would be a whole lot easier and a lot more honest if we had a few more options on our ever-changing Relationship Statuses (stati?). So, naturally, I’ve compiled just the tip of the iceberg of a comprehensive list that I think would help clear things up.

(As always, you’re welcome for this great idea, Zuckerberg.)

More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses

Single And Ready To Mingle (But Not Really Sure What The Word Mingle Means)

Just Got Out Of A Relationship (And Am Currently Unable To Function Or Do Anything But Sniffle And Watch Lifetime Movies And Eat Cookies)

Just Got Out Of A Relationship (And Am Actually Doing Better Today, Thank You For Asking, In Fact, I Left The House Today And Saw The Sun For The First Time In A Week!)

Love Songs Messed Up My Idea Of Love

Reality TV Messed Up My Idea Of Love

Movies and Hollywood Romance Messed Up My Idea Of Love

What Is Love? (Baby, Don’t Hurt Me)

All I Ever Talk About Is My Ex And Yes, I Will Find A Way To Bring Them Up, Even In This Completely-Unrelated Conversation We Are Having

Perfectly Fine Being Single Until The Holidays Come Around Or I Have To Go To A Wedding

“Talking” To A Bunch Of Potential Girls/Boys

He or She Would Have To Be Really Amazing For Me To Get Out Of These Sweatpants And Go On A Real Date

Not Sure What A Real Date Is

In A Relationship But Still In High School, So 99% Of The Time This Relationship Will Not Count Or Matter in 4 Years/A Week

In A Committed Partnership With Netflix

In A Committed Partnership With Spotify

In A Committed Partnership With Pinterest

In A Committed Partnership With Cupcakes

In A Relationship, So I Always Give Dating Advice To My Friends

In A Relationship, So I Always Get Asked For Dating Advice From My Friends And The Truth Is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO TELL YOU, THIS ONE JUST WORKS FOR US OKAY

Pretending My Life Is Sex & The City

Admittedly Desperate (No, Really)

In The Friend Zone

Not Aware That I’m In The Friend Zone

Single Until Ryan Gosling Comes To His Senses

In A Relationship That I Probably Should End, But I’m Lazy And Comfortable And Maybe I Just Don’t Want To, Okay, It’s Not Like I Need An Intervention Or Anything

I Want A Boyfriend/Girlfriend Who Will Fix All My Flaws

I’m Crazy! (In A Kooky/Fun/Zany Way! Yay!)

I’m Crazy! (No, Literally. Run Away!)

I’m A Nice Guy And That Frustrates Me Cause I Always Feel Like I Come In Last

Single But I Won’t Say That I’m Single Because Then You Will Set Me Up With All Your Weird Friends

In A Relationship With Someone and It Is Actually Great, No Really, So Please Stop Asking Me To Find Problems And Just Let Me Enjoy This!

SOMEBODY LOVE ME, PLEASE, EVEN IF YOU’RE KINDA AWKWARD, IT’S OKAY

Single And I Really Want To Be With Someone But I Have “Pride” And Will Lie and Pretend I’m Tough And Fine But Really I Am Sensitive, So So Sensitive

Not Really Looking For A Relationship (Just Someone To Share A Dog With)

Not Really Looking For A Relationship (But If You Want To Take Me To Brunch, I Will Always Say Yes)

I Care More About Celebrity Romances Than My Own

MY ONLY RELATIONSHIP IS WITH ~GiRrLZ NiGHT!!!!~

Only If The Guy Has A Beard

Only If The Girl is Zooey Deschanel

Becoming A Nun Or Priest (For Real)

Becoming A Nun Or Priest (As An Ironic Joking Statement Because I’m Not Dating, LOL)

Everything Goes Out The Window After A Few Drinks

The Ted Mosby Of My Friends

The Liz Lemon Of My Friends

The Alexander Supertramp Of My Friends

The Penny Hartz Of My Friends

Why Is Everyone Getting Engaged Except Me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!

Does Occasional Texting Count As A Relationship?

I WILL OVERANALYZE EVERY WORD OF EVERY TEXT MESSAGE YOU SEND ME, BEWARE

Currently In A Long Distance Relationship, Please Be Gentle With Me

Engaged And No Wedding Date In Sight (Stop Pressuring Me!!!!)

Engaged And Counting Down The Days

Engaged And Considering Vegas

Beer, Babes, and Bros! Beer, Babes, and Bros! (What’s The Real World Like?)

Don’t Judge Me By My Facebook, I Am Much More Interesting In Person

Don’t Judge Me By My Facebook, I Am Much Less Interesting In Person

The Girl Who Retweets Every Bit Of Relationship Advice She Finds

The Guy Who Parents Love But Girls Just Seem To Care Less About

I’m Single And I Still Don’t Have Any Of This Relationship Stuff Figured Out

I’m In A Wonderful Relationship And I Still Don’t Have Any Of This Relationship Stuff Figured Out

I’m Married and I Have Like One Thing In The World Of Relationships Figured Out

Cats. Just Cats.

Some Nights.

Some nights, I :

  • online shop and order shirts with eagles on them, heart-shaped sunglasses and Holly-Golightly-inspired sleeping masks
  • eat a giant slice of chocolate cake (#noshame)
  • delete 100 people from my phone contacts
  • become reminiscent about the past and work myself into this little crawlspace of emotions
  • bookmark and pin a bunch of craft d-i-y projects that i know i will be too lazy and impatient to actually ever make or do-it-myself, but that look so cute and practical
  • watch The Princess Diaries and High Fidelity on a neverending loop
  • have 3 intense crippling moments thinking i will forever be alone
  • have 24 intense crippling moments thinking i will never make it in the working world and music industry
  • cry while reading my bible
  • send picture messages of: baby sloths, corgi puppies and kittens
  • laugh so hard at the dinner table with my parents about our fear of the slow checkout lady at hobby lobby that i start crying
  • actually remember to moisturize twice a day like every magazine has told me for years and feel like a total rockstar because of it
  • paint my nails with OPI’s “The One That Got Away” from the Katy Perry Nail Polish Collection and feel like a total rockstar because of it
  • play guitar and ukulele for the first time in two months and sing until i’m hoarse
  • spend 20 minutes trying to get my brother’s pug to love me, and fail
  • make obsessive and ocd-esque playlists on Spotify for hours on end
  • think about Coachella and assume that since I’m not there, it’s probably not very good, I mean like, Gotye and Beirut and Bon Iver and The Black Keys all in one place? I’m not jealous or needy for live music. Nope. Totally fine. (ish)
  • go out and am the quintessential twentysomething social butterfly with loud music and trendy beverages and dancing, only to be wishing for my bed and its 7 pillows, all comfortable
  • sit on my bed with its 7 pillows, all comfortable, and yet wish i was out on the town like a quintessential twentysomething social butterfly with loud music and trendy beverage and dancing
  • look forward to getting home just so i can put on my moccasins
  • watch the latest episode of Mad Men and discuss it in depth with my best friend via text message and consequently, become so thankful for stupid things like text messages and technology and writers of wonderful television episodes
  • miss my friends and college so much that it hurts inside my very soul. like, inside and out, my whole body just seems to say “i miss you, i miss you, i miss you all.”
  • try on my entire shoe collection and, really, applaud myself on my great taste
  • tell myself i should read more books and end up reading the internet for the next 3 hours
  • read The Frenemy and feel less alone
  • make long list blog posts that might borrow their format from The Frenemy a little bit
  • eventually sleep, but, at least tonight, not before I listen to Some Nights again. (see what I did there?!?!?)
  • (goodnight.)

Things I Will Never Be Able To Accurately Express With Words

Surprise- I made you a list post, internet! But really, you should expect them by now.

I aim to always be able to use words to express how I’m feeling, tell a story, explain a phenomenon and sing along, but sometimes I can’t string them together well enough. Being a blogger, I swirl ideas around constantly and keep a running commentary both written and spoken to add on, but there are times where this just doesn’t work. You see, there are a few subjects and occurrences that I am left high and dry on and struggle to even say. So, that’s what I’m after today. Blame it on writer’s block, but here are the –

Things I will never be able to accurately express with words:

How much I miss Clarence Clemons’ saxophone on the newly-leaked Bruce Springsteen album

How hard it is to stay focused on ANYTHING when you are unemployed, 21, moving out, applying to jobs, getting interviews, getting rejection emails, and trying to figure out where to live in your postgrad life all at the same time

How cute baby kangaroos are

How much I turn into a needy buy-me-this child whenever I see a piece of clothing with sequins and/or glitter on it

How I could live inside this video/how the lyrics can be felt in my very SOUL/how soothing the voice of Ray LaMontagne truly is:

How much running out of coffee give me anxiety

How many days I could survive on only grilled cheese and pancakes

How hard it is to act professional and grown-up when your phone accidentally goes off and the ringtone is Beyonce’s “Countdown”

How much better I need to get at loving people in general

How hard I am hyping The Hobbit coming out at the end of this year

The amount of sadness that is experienced when you lose your favorite leather jacket to a night on 6th Street in Austin

How much joy Adele sweeping the Grammys brought to my heart and made me wanna buy 5 more copies of “21” (again)

How much better I sleep after I’ve spent all day talking and laughing and playing with my favorite people

How great an idea “never-ending breadsticks” was and is and continues to be

How frustrating writer’s block is when you tell people constantly, “Yes, I would love to be a writer when I grow up!”

How hard it is to NOT go to the animal shelter and set loose all the kitties and puppies and steal them away in my Rav4

How simple the phrase “Jesus loves you” is and yet how its repercussions are so huge and forgotten by little old me

How greatly I wish I could be crafty and DIY-ish but fail miserably each time

The overwhelming love I feel from the internet and beyond on a daily basis. Thanks, yall.

My Happy Place

My happy place is a mid-morning omelette, bacon, toast and a friend.

My happy place is a big hammock in the shade.

My happy place is sitting in front of a fireplace with a cup of hazelnut coffee (two splendas & just a kiss of half-and-half, please).

My happy place is driving with the windows down on a back road riiiiight when the sun comes up in the morning and a perfect playlist to accompany the ride.

My happy place is that last page of a book when you finish the journey and you just kinda sigh and go, “what now?”

My happy place is an SNL skit that actually manages to make me laugh.

My happy place is volunteering for a community that shares great stories and encourages women in truth every day.

My happy place is a closet full of boots, jeans that fit really well, and leopard print.

My happy place is a never-ending marathon of The Lord Of The Rings (Extended Editions) followed by the Back To The Future Trilogy followed by Almost Famous followed by The Sound Of Music, then repeated.

My happy place is a big couch with a warm laptop on my lap, reading blogs and watching stupid videos.

My happy place is a group sing-along.

My happy place is anywhere I can put my toes in a body of water.

My happy place is a brand new Bruce Springsteen single and upcoming album + tour!!!

My happy place is a new haircut and the smell of fresh laundry.

My happy place is a never-ending text message conversation with my family members.

My happy place is waking up before my alarm and going back to sleep.

My happy place is a big stack of vintage vinyl records.

My happy place is petting a puppy.

My happy place is tap dancing in my best friend’s new apartment.

My happy place is finding tiny little ways to change the world while looking for a big-girl job.

What’s your happy place?