Tag Archives: fashion

An Open Letter to Urban Outfitters

Dear Urban Outfitters,

I’ve always kinda liked you. I know a lot of the time that you’re super expensive for my college girl budget and sometimes your merchandise is called “offensive”, but more often that not, you have pretty things that I like to wear. Not to mention that your sale rack is like a drug to me! In fact, there was a time when I loved you with my whole heart, after I won $1000 dollar gift card to shop in your lovely doors with a few Christmases ago.

(that happened!)

Needless to say, you’ve been good to me in my past few years, but sometimes your design choices leave me scratching my head and wondering. Let’s take some items of your recent catalog, for example:

“Embarrassing Photo Protective Sunglasses”

Okay, okay, I am a self-obsessed sunglasses collector but couldn’t this same look could be achieved with black construction paper and 2 straws? Or simply just de-tagging yourself in an embarrassing photo? Am I over-thinking things?

“’80s Cell Phone Case”

Somewhere, our 80s ancestors are crying. Isn’t having an iPhone cool enough? Now we have to have a vintage so-huge-that-it-looks-ridiculous iPhone? I’m so confused.

“Jeffrey Campbell Jumper Wedge”

“Yes, I’m looking for a pair of shoes that would cause me a lot of anxiety and make my feet feel like they are straddling the Grand Canyon all day. Do yall have any of that in stock?”

“Tripp NYC Z-Cut Jean – Army Green”

Whaaaaaaat? Isn’t the whole point of jeans to be warm? Or as a girl, to celebrate and be lazy and not have to shave your legs?! (Sorry fellas, the truth hurts). Don’t these defeat those purposes? Wouldn’t you get weird tan lines if you wore them outside? Wouldn’t you feel slightly trapped wearing them and/or like an Egyptian mummy wrapped up in cloth strips? So. Many. Questions.

“House of Dagmar Febe Cardigan”

I have little problems with this cardigan, actually. It’s cozy, it’s cute, it’s versatile! And I have no problems with people investing money in a good piece of clothing, no judgement! Spend away! But for $749.00, this cardi had better the greatest cardi in the entire world and/or be lined with gold and/or be able to tell me if it’s raining outside. Seriously.

“Hot Guys & Baby Animals Wall Calendar”

What? How did this get in here? Oh, did I accidentally put it in my cart? Look at that! Guess I’ll just have to buy it. It’s not like I want it or anything. I mean, I’m not one of those girls. I’ll just buy it to use for the calendar part. I have a lot of important dates to remember and this could really help. Yeah.

I like you, UO, I really do. I just think that this relationship gets a little rocky sometimes. Honestly- it’s not you, it’s me. Let’s just take a little break. I promise I’ll be back, though!

Xo,

Lion

P.S. Okay, but please call me when your Diego The Cat pillow goes on sale:

So cute!

(All photos screencapped from urbanoutfitters.com, any criticism is all in good fun! Really, I do love you, Urban!)
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Dear ‘Rachel Zoe Faux Fur Long Vest’

Dear ‘Rachel Zoe Faux Fur Long Vest’,

We’ve never officially met, but the love I have for you is overwhelming. I know that online window-shopping is one of the worst things to do when you’re currently operating on a college-girl budget, and I know the dangers in typing “Nordstrom.com” into my web browser’s address bar, but today, I just couldn’t help myself.

Upon seeing you, my heart skipped a beat. The way you hang effortlessly so and could add a little bit of dramatic flair to all my outfits? Adore it. Your warm perfectly-tan color with white leather accents and furry softness that makes me want to curl up in you? Can’t get enough. The fact that you were designed by one of my not-so-guilty pleasures, Rachel Zoe, whose show I am addicted to and who I consider to be one of my major style icons? Just makes me DIE (in the best way).

I know that, at times, people would look at me funny for wearing you. I know that you might seem to be “too much” for traditional collegiate fashion crowds to handle and the general public might think I am trying to become Mildred Pierce. I know that there is no way I can add you to my online cart, since you cost quite a few pretty pennies. I know that I wouldn’t get to layer you as much as I wanted because living in Texas, it’s October and the temperature is still in the 90s. But even despite these obstacles, I just had to share my undying love for you.

We may not be able to be together now, but maybe someday in the future our eyes will meet across a crowded room at a clearance rack and I’ll scoop you up in my arms and take you home with me. Until then, stay fabulous.

Love,

Lion

A Love Letter To Plaid

Dear Plaid,

I don’t know what it is about you, but things between us are getting pretty serious. My best friend is a rather huge fan of you, I’ve always been drawn to your lines, but lately it’s becoming a habit to wear you every single day. We can blame the weather, I mean, Texans such as myself are NOT equipped or enjoyable in temperatures below 60 already and it is near freezing, although I think now that we’re bonded, I would wear you anyway. I’m drawn to your best counterpart- long-sleeved soft flannels. Only problem is, plaid, I can’t stop! I choose from my ever-growing collection and throw you on like a proud badge. However, a question, if you will. Why do the menswear clothing racks always get the best picks, plaid? I search for you in women’s sections and always end up migrating towards the other side of the store, pretending to be buying for a burly timber-cutting amigo. Doesn’t matter though, I am an addict, and warm striped flannel-y goodness is my only fix, whether the price tag is marked for my own gender or not.

You know, plaid, maybe this new-found appreciation stems from the recent realization that the greatest profession on this earth is a that of a lumberjack? After all, you get to stay warm with layers, work with your hands, eat as many pancakes as you can for every meal, and most importantly, it’s plaid 24/7! Am I considering this profession seriously? Of course not…except occasionally I get this song stuck in my head when I wear you. But that’s probably my own fault, and possibly the fault of many high school choir performances back in the day.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for keeping me warm and stylish. I would be so much colder without you. Also, I would probably look less like a Nirvana groupie, but I guess it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.