I know we’re all used to putting “Single” or “In A Relationship” or “Married” (or maybe you’re that one person who puts “It’s Complicated” non-ironically) as a declaration and status symbol on Facebook for the whole internet to see, but life would be a whole lot easier and a lot more honest if we had a few more options on our ever-changing Relationship Statuses (stati?). So, naturally, I’ve compiled just the tip of the iceberg of a comprehensive list that I think would help clear things up.
(As always, you’re welcome for this great idea, Zuckerberg.)
More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses
Single And Ready To Mingle (But Not Really Sure What The Word Mingle Means)
Just Got Out Of A Relationship (And Am Currently Unable To Function Or Do Anything But Sniffle And Watch Lifetime Movies And Eat Cookies)
Just Got Out Of A Relationship (And Am Actually Doing Better Today, Thank You For Asking, In Fact, I Left The House Today And Saw The Sun For The First Time In A Week!)
Love Songs Messed Up My Idea Of Love
Reality TV Messed Up My Idea Of Love
Movies and Hollywood Romance Messed Up My Idea Of Love
What Is Love? (Baby, Don’t Hurt Me)
All I Ever Talk About Is My Ex And Yes, I Will Find A Way To Bring Them Up, Even In This Completely-Unrelated Conversation We Are Having
Perfectly Fine Being Single Until The Holidays Come Around Or I Have To Go To A Wedding
“Talking” To A Bunch Of Potential Girls/Boys
He or She Would Have To Be Really Amazing For Me To Get Out Of These Sweatpants And Go On A Real Date
Not Sure What A Real Date Is
In A Relationship But Still In High School, So 99% Of The Time This Relationship Will Not Count Or Matter in 4 Years/A Week
In A Committed Partnership With Netflix
In A Committed Partnership With Spotify
In A Committed Partnership With Pinterest
In A Committed Partnership With Cupcakes
In A Relationship, So I Always Give Dating Advice To My Friends
In A Relationship, So I Always Get Asked For Dating Advice From My Friends And The Truth Is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO TELL YOU, THIS ONE JUST WORKS FOR US OKAY
Pretending My Life Is Sex & The City
Admittedly Desperate (No, Really)
In The Friend Zone
Not Aware That I’m In The Friend Zone
Single Until Ryan Gosling Comes To His Senses
In A Relationship That I Probably Should End, But I’m Lazy And Comfortable And Maybe I Just Don’t Want To, Okay, It’s Not Like I Need An Intervention Or Anything
I Want A Boyfriend/Girlfriend Who Will Fix All My Flaws
I’m Crazy! (In A Kooky/Fun/Zany Way! Yay!)
I’m Crazy! (No, Literally. Run Away!)
I’m A Nice Guy And That Frustrates Me Cause I Always Feel Like I Come In Last
Single But I Won’t Say That I’m Single Because Then You Will Set Me Up With All Your Weird Friends
In A Relationship With Someone and It Is Actually Great, No Really, So Please Stop Asking Me To Find Problems And Just Let Me Enjoy This!
SOMEBODY LOVE ME, PLEASE, EVEN IF YOU’RE KINDA AWKWARD, IT’S OKAY
Single And I Really Want To Be With Someone But I Have “Pride” And Will Lie and Pretend I’m Tough And Fine But Really I Am Sensitive, So So Sensitive
Not Really Looking For A Relationship (Just Someone To Share A Dog With)
Not Really Looking For A Relationship (But If You Want To Take Me To Brunch, I Will Always Say Yes)
I Care More About Celebrity Romances Than My Own
MY ONLY RELATIONSHIP IS WITH ~GiRrLZ NiGHT!!!!~
Only If The Guy Has A Beard
Only If The Girl is Zooey Deschanel
Becoming A Nun Or Priest (For Real)
Becoming A Nun Or Priest (As An Ironic Joking Statement Because I’m Not Dating, LOL)
Everything Goes Out The Window After A Few Drinks
The Ted Mosby Of My Friends
The Liz Lemon Of My Friends
The Alexander Supertramp Of My Friends
The Penny Hartz Of My Friends
Why Is Everyone Getting Engaged Except Me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!
Does Occasional Texting Count As A Relationship?
I WILL OVERANALYZE EVERY WORD OF EVERY TEXT MESSAGE YOU SEND ME, BEWARE
Currently In A Long Distance Relationship, Please Be Gentle With Me
Engaged And No Wedding Date In Sight (Stop Pressuring Me!!!!)
Engaged And Counting Down The Days
Engaged And Considering Vegas
Beer, Babes, and Bros! Beer, Babes, and Bros! (What’s The Real World Like?)
Don’t Judge Me By My Facebook, I Am Much More Interesting In Person
Don’t Judge Me By My Facebook, I Am Much Less Interesting In Person
The Girl Who Retweets Every Bit Of Relationship Advice She Finds
The Guy Who Parents Love But Girls Just Seem To Care Less About
I’m Single And I Still Don’t Have Any Of This Relationship Stuff Figured Out
I’m In A Wonderful Relationship And I Still Don’t Have Any Of This Relationship Stuff Figured Out
I’m Married and I Have Like One Thing In The World Of Relationships Figured Out
Cats. Just Cats.
