3 states and 6 cities later, and I still don’t think I believe it, but here we are in Nashville. I can honestly say that I never would have even predicted this, sitting in San Marcos, Texas on a couch watching Coldplay and confetti on PBS (in fact- the first episode of Austin City Limits I ever worked!) this time last year.
But, oh boy, it’s been a YEAR!
You’ve definitely been the hardest year of my life, and although there have been times I have hated you, I wouldn’t trade your worst moments for right now.
You’ve been the year that I mourned graduating college and the friendships I made there that are so hard to keep track of now, but I fight for daily – whether through phone calls or text messages or just gchats that say nothing but “I MISS YOU” for days. You’ve been the year of different hair colors, the year of caffeine headaches and flight delays, the year of dance parties and hugging a lot of people, and hugging even more dogs. You’ve been the year of crying from laughing so hard, the year of taking the stigma out of 22 years of panic attacks, the year of learning new faces and new roads in new cities. You’ve been the year of growing up even more than I wanted you to be, the year of comparing everything to “Girls”, the year of sriracha-on-everything, the year of learning to trust my instincts, the year of meeting a boy with a fantastic mustache who bought me a Shiner (and the rest is history) and the year of discovering that being happy and overly-excited about life is not a crime!
You’ve been the year of relationships – from boys to family to friends to coworkers to strangers to Twitter to Jesus to neighbors to musicians to pen pals – and you’ve turned everything I knew about communication and love in those relationships upside down, in the best possible way. You’ve been the year of unlearning old habits of thinking ‘you’re just not good enough’ and the year of letting myself be loved for me, quirks and passions and all.
Together, 2012, we made it through unemployment that felt like it might steal all my joy and sanity for 6 months followed by 2 months in the desert only to pick up and move randomly and land my first big girl job in a week (!!!!!!!), and all the stresses and excitements of those decisions.
I probably didn’t sleep enough, I probably wore my vocal chords out singing to Adele’s “21” frequently and lord knows I scuffed up some shoes dancing to Motown and Jack White. I probably should have called home more, I probably should have been more organized, I probably should have answered more emails in a timely manner.
But hey, I fixed that leak in my car by myself! I handled those awkward hard conversations! I wrote those songs and I shared them! I showed up on time to those interviews, I ate those vegetables, I streeeeeetched that budget even when it was hard, and I feel all the better from it.
2012, I’ll miss you and I’ll look back at you wistfully, probably, and someday romance this terribly confusing time of my 20s, but for now, you should know – it’s nothing personal against you – that I am really wholeheartedly looking forward to what 2013 can dish out and bring me.
However, if you talk to 2013, could you please tell him/her I would like it if Damien Rice and Justin Timberlake both finally put out new albums? And if all the puppies without homes could just make their way to my doorstep? And if maybe I could wake up one day and be able to walk in heels flawlessly, play guitar like Jimmy Page and sing like Sharon Jones?
Appreciate it. At the very least, can you tell 2013 to bring more opportunities to bring my taxidermy stuffed bobcat around? Just doesn’t get enough love.