I know that I haven’t written in weeks and that I should have philosophical reasons for doing so, but if anything, my life as of late has been defined by five words:
“i’m graduating college on friday.”
I am a huge mess of emotions right now. I feel like a little kid who doesn’t want to grow up. I feel like an adult who somehow is still holding onto my college sweatshirts. I feel like everyone around me is getting married and I’m sitting pretty on single island, holding onto my Lord Of The Rings dvds and musical soundtracks. I feel like I’m going to trip and fall onstage when they call my name at graduation. I feel a bitter confusing sense of nostalgia for freshman year when everything seemed new. I feel giddy realizing I won’t ever have to study again in a few days! I feel sleepy because I haven’t slept for 4 years while getting this degree. But mostly, I feel extremely and totally happy.
Everyone is telling nightmare stories of the current job market and suggesting grad school and cocking their heads to the side when I tell them I don’t know what I’m doing after this Friday, but I am just so happy; so overjoyed with the love I’ve experienced in the past 4 years.
I believe in Jesus. I believe in God. I’m not trying to convert you and you don’t have to echo my beliefs to read this blog. You don’t have to read this post or agree with it and I won’t take it personally if you stop reading altogether, but I just can’t honestly write a sentence about college and how it has changed my life without name-dropping Jesus and saying that I know he placed me here, at this university, for a reason. He put me here to surround me with knowledge and so much creativity and so much music to encourage my career goals. He put me here to grow and learn to go after what I want, no matter how hard or impossible it might seem. Mostly, he put me here to meet people that would challenge me, make me laugh harder than I ever have and love me unconditionally, and for all of this I am so thankful and gosh-darn happy!
So, come Friday, I’ll take on the real world. I’ll wear a funny hat and take pictures and keep replaying graduation cliches from movies and tv shows in my mind the whole time. I’ll try not to, but I’ll end up listening to Youth Group’s version of ‘Forever Young’ and I’ll get a huge lump in my throat. I’ll hug my best friends that I’ve been blessed to meet here and I’ll most likely do a bunch of happy dances. And I’ll cry- oh, that I already know, thanks to my sentimental heart- but you can bet that the tears will be happy ones.
And, you can also bet that my lion-maned hair will be Texas-sized and in full force.
And, of course, that I’ll blog all about it.