An Open Letter to Urban Outfitters

Dear Urban Outfitters,

I’ve always kinda liked you. I know a lot of the time that you’re super expensive for my college girl budget and sometimes your merchandise is called “offensive”, but more often that not, you have pretty things that I like to wear. Not to mention that your sale rack is like a drug to me! In fact, there was a time when I loved you with my whole heart, after I won $1000 dollar gift card to shop in your lovely doors with a few Christmases ago.

(that happened!)

Needless to say, you’ve been good to me in my past few years, but sometimes your design choices leave me scratching my head and wondering. Let’s take some items of your recent catalog, for example:

“Embarrassing Photo Protective Sunglasses”

Okay, okay, I am a self-obsessed sunglasses collector but couldn’t this same look could be achieved with black construction paper and 2 straws? Or simply just de-tagging yourself in an embarrassing photo? Am I over-thinking things?

“’80s Cell Phone Case”

Somewhere, our 80s ancestors are crying. Isn’t having an iPhone cool enough? Now we have to have a vintage so-huge-that-it-looks-ridiculous iPhone? I’m so confused.

“Jeffrey Campbell Jumper Wedge”

“Yes, I’m looking for a pair of shoes that would cause me a lot of anxiety and make my feet feel like they are straddling the Grand Canyon all day. Do yall have any of that in stock?”

“Tripp NYC Z-Cut Jean – Army Green”

Whaaaaaaat? Isn’t the whole point of jeans to be warm? Or as a girl, to celebrate and be lazy and not have to shave your legs?! (Sorry fellas, the truth hurts). Don’t these defeat those purposes? Wouldn’t you get weird tan lines if you wore them outside? Wouldn’t you feel slightly trapped wearing them and/or like an Egyptian mummy wrapped up in cloth strips? So. Many. Questions.

“House of Dagmar Febe Cardigan”

I have little problems with this cardigan, actually. It’s cozy, it’s cute, it’s versatile! And I have no problems with people investing money in a good piece of clothing, no judgement! Spend away! But for $749.00, this cardi had better the greatest cardi in the entire world and/or be lined with gold and/or be able to tell me if it’s raining outside. Seriously.

“Hot Guys & Baby Animals Wall Calendar”

What? How did this get in here? Oh, did I accidentally put it in my cart? Look at that! Guess I’ll just have to buy it. It’s not like I want it or anything. I mean, I’m not one of those girls. I’ll just buy it to use for the calendar part. I have a lot of important dates to remember and this could really help. Yeah.

I like you, UO, I really do. I just think that this relationship gets a little rocky sometimes. Honestly- it’s not you, it’s me. Let’s just take a little break. I promise I’ll be back, though!

Xo,

Lion

P.S. Okay, but please call me when your Diego The Cat pillow goes on sale:

So cute!

(All photos screencapped from urbanoutfitters.com, any criticism is all in good fun! Really, I do love you, Urban!)
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3 responses to “An Open Letter to Urban Outfitters

  1. Isn’t that the trut?!. Amazing post, I’m still chuckling!

  2. very funny! you’re definitely not the only one that thinks this!! sometimes it’s like, what are you thinking?! haha

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