George Michael Might Not Approve

If you’ll allow me two seconds of name-dropping- I had a ticket to the CMT Music Awards last week! This, of course, was courtesy of the internship I’m enjoying this summer, blah blah blah, I know, just get to the picture already-

(HI MOM!)

Not surprisingly, I’ve never been to an award show before, so the format was super interesting. The crowd was taught line dances during commercial breaks, encouraged to applaud every five seconds and most of the ‘stars’ weren’t even in their seats for more than 5 minutes and were instead running around the arena the whole time with far-too-large entourages. It’s sort of crazy but subdued at the same time. I mean, all the dialogue is scripted and read off teleprompter, all the set pieces are moved around in a choreography that has been rehearsed for weeks and every joke or ‘surprise’ moment doesn’t really all seem that suprising. I mean, growing up in the generation that sees second-graders carrying and using iPhones, I guess ‘tv magic’ not being all that magical doesn’t come as much of a surprise to me anyway.

However, what does come as a surprise to me is Kid Rock.

Did I miss something big? Because for some reason I cannot see much to any appeal in this man. He was the host for the evening and I kept wanting someone with a cane take him offstage. I don’t think he’s a horrible human being or anything, but I just think as an entertainer, he fails to do just that; ENTERTAIN. The hats, the almost-inappropriate jokes, the goatee that refuses to leave his chin- all of it just confuses me. When was all of this combined supposed to make a satisfying end result? He’s not rebellious enough to be edgy but not safe enough to seem particularly family-friendly, and that place is just not suitable for most anyone. It’s…..kinda sad. He’s like a rodeo bull that used to buck everyone off and now he’s been tied to fence post and subjected to just eating grass all day.

(….was that last simile too “Texas” for you? Apologies. Anyway, moving on-)

My debate with Kid Rock, however, does not involve his music. While this may seem like the easiest battle to pick, if he wants to be all over the map, I completely support it! If he wants to make several duets with Sheryl Crow and call them ‘country’, I say go for it! If he wants to make explicit angry rock, then give him a microphone! I don’t have to like all or even any styles that he tries his hand at, but I do get a kick seeing artists trying something new that might be out of their comfort zone. It seems weird to make this point now, but I think that experimenting with different instruments and genres is important, and usually yields interesting results. I say ‘interesting’, but they might even end up spectacular! I mean, who knows, maybe if we handed Kid (is the proper title ‘Kid’? ‘Rock’? ‘Krock’?) a saxophone, he could put his own spin on “Careless Whisper” and as much as it pains me to admit this, that might actually be something I’d pay attention to……if only to provide sarcastic commentary.

And yes, internet, someone, somewhere is shedding a tear right now because of me comparing Kid Rock to the incomparable George Michael, but it simply had to be done. After all, you gotta have faith.

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