Bat-Friendly and Kryptonite-Free

We can blame it on the fact that I’ve been watching more (fantastic!) british television that centers on heroes, just finished reading a heckuva comic book series, or simply that I am friends with a certain DC ‘enthusiast’, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about having superpowers.

Based on experience, I can say that if you’re ever in line for something, suddenly in the middle of an awkward silence, or crammed in  car on a long roadtrip, one of the most defining questions you can ask is:

“If you could have any superpower, what would it be?”

The answers often vary, but don’t be fooled in thinking that this is a simple query by any sense. Superpowers are a big deal!

Let’s take flying, for instance. While this one may seem played out and like the most obvious answer, when it really comes down to it, soaring through the air above the earth would be AWESOME. I mean, seriously! Forget rush hour traffic, you just pop up and you’re there! Not to mention, fellas, ladies totally love clouds in their hair. However, I do wonder, do your ears pressurize normally? Is there enough oxygen? I mean, the views are worth it, but I’m not sold on flying.

So then there’s superstrength. This is a little less popular, but if you can pick up a car or an elephant and hold it over your head like it’s no big deal, that would be amazing. However, I can’t help but wonder why exactly you would need to lift a car. And where did you get the elephant anyway? And in all honesty, if I’m having trouble opening a jar or something, I usually just try to bat my eyelashes and get a regularly-strong male to do it for me. For some reason, I’m not sold on superstrength, either. I’d be afraid to hug anyone if I had said power, and I simply cannot live without hugs.

So we come to invisibility and mind-reading. Now, on paper, these are both winners. To be able to see and hear what people are doing and go undetected? Priceless! Although, having lived my short 20 years, I know I may not be the most knowledgeable, but I’m pretty sure I don’t want to hear what’s going on in people’s heads all the time. I mean, I think a LOT of ridiculous and potentially-embarrassing things, internet! There’s no way I want to hear everyone else’s same thoughts! And as for invisibility, most of the time I would prefer to show off my cute accessories rather than go unnoticed. You have to wonder about people that choose invisibility- sounds to me like they’re up to something sneaky!

So what’s left? Millions! You could be able to tell when someone is lying, breathe underwater, move things with your mind, x-ray vision, teleportation, travel at superspeed and even be able to turn everything to ice cream! Though I’ve barely scratched the enormous surface of superpowers, I think that it’s a lot to take in. I mean, if I suddenly was graced with a intense and fiercely intimidating superpower, I honestly don’t know how receptive I’d be.

I prefer to think a bit more…simply. If you want to know, internet, or if you don’t, if I could have one superpower, it would be to have two strong women behind me to sing everything I just said.

Yes, internet, I’m wishing endlessly for backup singers.

If Diana Ross can do it, then so can I!

Is this a weak power? I beg to differ! With two powerful voices echoing my words, suddenly everything I said would sound more exciting and of utmost importance. Not to mention that no conversation would be boring ever again! Imagine with me:

“Oh hey guys, I’m going to go blow my nose for a second.”


“Has anyone seen my gray cardigan?”


“This toast is great.”


You see? With backup singers, every action I did would be musically super and if that can’t save the world, then really, I don’t know what can.

(Photo credit: here)

7 responses to “Bat-Friendly and Kryptonite-Free

  1. I loved Identity Crisis.

  2. when i read the title i immediatly imagined ice cream appearing everytime i thought of it. might get quite sticky though.

  3. When I started reading comics somewhat (i.e. waywayway) more cosistently, I always prefered Wally and Kyle to the other Flashes and Green Lanterns because of how they were impressed upon me in IC. Not to mention Tim as Robin.

    • I just loved how all their stories were woven together. I’m such a baby when it comes to comic books, but I want to read more! Recommend anything?

  4. Oh gosh, I’m thousands and thousands of miles away from my bookshelf right now, but off the top of my head (for emotional impact) you should read We3 by Grant Morrison, the entire Sandman run by Neil Gaiman, and Bone by Jeff Smith. I’ve got tons more, I’m sure, but they’ll have to wait until I can peruse my collection once more.

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