Okay, Internet, apparently we’re all just a little messed up in the relationship department, because I can’t even tell you how many comments and emails I got about this post! So I figured I should include a few more, since I didn’t get all of you in the first round. Feel free to comment with your own, because I’d hate for your demographic to be left out. So, without further ado, I present-

More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses, Part 2

(And once more, you’re welcome for this great idea, Zuckerberg.)

 

BRB, Going To Unfairly Compare You To All My Past Relationships And You Will Fall Short

Mom And Dad, Please Stop Worrying About Me Having Grandchildren

Looking For The Kate Middleton To My Prince William

Looking For The Jay-Z To My Beyonce

Looking For The Precious To My Gollum

Ready, Set, TRY AND CATCH ME!

Maybe We Could Just Split Gas And Entrees Occasionally, Because This Economy Is Killing Me

I’ve Never Met The Person I’m In Currently In Love With, But Based On Facebook Stalking, I Just Know We Would Be Perfect Together

I Only Date Musicians

I Tried Only Dating Musicians, But Turns Out They Are Really Needy

I AM NEEDY

I Liked That Guy/Girl But Then You Kept Pressuring Me To Tell Them And Move At A Faster Pace And I Did, And Now It’s Awkward

“I’m Just Really Focused On My Career Right Now”

Everybody Wants Me! (Get In Line)

Everybody Wants Me! (Nobody Wants Me)

Still Hung Up On The Last One, Sorry, Try Again In A Month

Someone Attractive Recently Sent Me A “;)” Winky Face In A Text And I Don’t Know What To Do

I Never Learned How To Politely Tell People That Are Interested In Me “No” So Now I Just Have A Few Stragglers Still Hanging On

I Am One Of Those Stragglers Holding On To A CouldaBeenNotReallySure Relationship

My Friends Say I Am A Catch, But Where Is My Catcher

Pics Or It Didn’t Happen

Wait, You Mean Tim Riggins Is A Fictional Character?

I Only Want A Boyfriend If He Dresses Well

I Only Want A Girlfriend If She Cares About Sports

I’ve Been Told That I Send Mixed Signals But That’s Not True, Want To Take Me To Dinner? I’ll Ignore You And Be On My Phone The Whole Time And Then Call You Tomorrow…Crying

This Guy, Like, Called Me Instead Of Texting. Who Does That?

You Mean There Are Still Nice Girls Out There?

You Asked Me Out But I Was Already On My Couch Watching A Seinfeld Marathon, Sorry

I Have Way Too Many Quirks For You

I’m A Professional “Plus One”

I Wanna Dance With Somebody, I Wanna Feel The Heat With Somebody, Oh, I Wanna Dance With Somebody: With Somebody Who Loves Me

Movies And TV Made Me Think That Problems In Relationships Were Epic And Fun When In Actuality Conflict Is Not Fun And Hurts, HELP

I Just Want You To Buy Me Presents

I Just Want You To Sing Me To Sleep

I Just Want You To Stop Blogging About Our Relationship

I know we’re all used to putting “Single” or “In A Relationship” or “Married” (or maybe you’re that one person who puts “It’s Complicated” non-ironically) as a declaration and status symbol on Facebook for the whole internet to see, but life would be a whole lot easier and a lot more honest if we had a few more options on our ever-changing Relationship Statuses (stati?). So, naturally, I’ve compiled just the tip of the iceberg of a comprehensive list that I think would help clear things up.

(As always, you’re welcome for this great idea, Zuckerberg.)

More Realistic Facebook Relationship Statuses

Single And Ready To Mingle (But Not Really Sure What The Word Mingle Means)

Just Got Out Of A Relationship (And Am Currently Unable To Function Or Do Anything But Sniffle And Watch Lifetime Movies And Eat Cookies)

Just Got Out Of A Relationship (And Am Actually Doing Better Today, Thank You For Asking, In Fact, I Left The House Today And Saw The Sun For The First Time In A Week!)

Love Songs Messed Up My Idea Of Love

Reality TV Messed Up My Idea Of Love

Movies and Hollywood Romance Messed Up My Idea Of Love

What Is Love? (Baby, Don’t Hurt Me)

All I Ever Talk About Is My Ex And Yes, I Will Find A Way To Bring Them Up, Even In This Completely-Unrelated Conversation We Are Having

Perfectly Fine Being Single Until The Holidays Come Around Or I Have To Go To A Wedding

“Talking” To A Bunch Of Potential Girls/Boys

He or She Would Have To Be Really Amazing For Me To Get Out Of These Sweatpants And Go On A Real Date

Not Sure What A Real Date Is

In A Relationship But Still In High School, So 99% Of The Time This Relationship Will Not Count Or Matter in 4 Years/A Week

In A Committed Partnership With Netflix

In A Committed Partnership With Spotify

In A Committed Partnership With Pinterest

In A Committed Partnership With Cupcakes

In A Relationship, So I Always Give Dating Advice To My Friends

In A Relationship, So I Always Get Asked For Dating Advice From My Friends And The Truth Is I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO TELL YOU, THIS ONE JUST WORKS FOR US OKAY

Pretending My Life Is Sex & The City

Admittedly Desperate (No, Really)

In The Friend Zone

Not Aware That I’m In The Friend Zone

Single Until Ryan Gosling Comes To His Senses

In A Relationship That I Probably Should End, But I’m Lazy And Comfortable And Maybe I Just Don’t Want To, Okay, It’s Not Like I Need An Intervention Or Anything

I Want A Boyfriend/Girlfriend Who Will Fix All My Flaws

I’m Crazy! (In A Kooky/Fun/Zany Way! Yay!)

I’m Crazy! (No, Literally. Run Away!)

I’m A Nice Guy And That Frustrates Me Cause I Always Feel Like I Come In Last

Single But I Won’t Say That I’m Single Because Then You Will Set Me Up With All Your Weird Friends

In A Relationship With Someone and It Is Actually Great, No Really, So Please Stop Asking Me To Find Problems And Just Let Me Enjoy This!

SOMEBODY LOVE ME, PLEASE, EVEN IF YOU’RE KINDA AWKWARD, IT’S OKAY

Single And I Really Want To Be With Someone But I Have “Pride” And Will Lie and Pretend I’m Tough And Fine But Really I Am Sensitive, So So Sensitive

Not Really Looking For A Relationship (Just Someone To Share A Dog With)

Not Really Looking For A Relationship (But If You Want To Take Me To Brunch, I Will Always Say Yes)

I Care More About Celebrity Romances Than My Own

MY ONLY RELATIONSHIP IS WITH ~GiRrLZ NiGHT!!!!~

Only If The Guy Has A Beard

Only If The Girl is Zooey Deschanel

Becoming A Nun Or Priest (For Real)

Becoming A Nun Or Priest (As An Ironic Joking Statement Because I’m Not Dating, LOL)

Everything Goes Out The Window After A Few Drinks

The Ted Mosby Of My Friends

The Liz Lemon Of My Friends

The Alexander Supertramp Of My Friends

The Penny Hartz Of My Friends

Why Is Everyone Getting Engaged Except Me?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!

Does Occasional Texting Count As A Relationship?

I WILL OVERANALYZE EVERY WORD OF EVERY TEXT MESSAGE YOU SEND ME, BEWARE

Currently In A Long Distance Relationship, Please Be Gentle With Me

Engaged And No Wedding Date In Sight (Stop Pressuring Me!!!!)

Engaged And Counting Down The Days

Engaged And Considering Vegas

Beer, Babes, and Bros! Beer, Babes, and Bros! (What’s The Real World Like?)

Don’t Judge Me By My Facebook, I Am Much More Interesting In Person

Don’t Judge Me By My Facebook, I Am Much Less Interesting In Person

The Girl Who Retweets Every Bit Of Relationship Advice She Finds

The Guy Who Parents Love But Girls Just Seem To Care Less About

I’m Single And I Still Don’t Have Any Of This Relationship Stuff Figured Out

I’m In A Wonderful Relationship And I Still Don’t Have Any Of This Relationship Stuff Figured Out

I’m Married and I Have Like One Thing In The World Of Relationships Figured Out

Cats. Just Cats.